Monday, May 10, 2010

Replacing Anxiety with Praise

Today’s Reading: Psalm 9, Psalm 11; John 8:1-27

Today I am anxious, antsy, and watching the minutes tick by on the clock. Why? Because our 22 week ultrasound is this afternoon at two. Why am I so anxious? I really don’t know. All I know is my mind is fully of worries and fears. Wondering what will happen, what it will be like, if they’ll be able to tell us that everything is ok with our precious little one. Every abnormal story I’ve ever heard about is running through my brain. I have to constantly give my feelings back to the Lord. Because I’ll go crazy if I keep on worrying. It seems like this pregnancy has been a time in which God has had to ask me to give up my worry each and everyday. Sometimes only once, sometimes many times. As I write this, my mind wanders back to the beautiful words of Psalm 139. The very hands of God have formed my baby together. His or her “frame was not hidden from [God] when [he or she] was being formed in secret [and] intricately and curiously wrought [as if embroidered with various colors] in the depths of the earth [a region of darkness and mystery]. [God’s’ eyes saw [my baby’s] unformed substance, and in [His] book all of the days [of my baby’s life] were written before ever they took shape, when as yet there was none of them” (Psalm 139:15-16 Amplified).
God has known every inch of my baby since the moment this little one was conceived. He already knows the number of days my child will live, whether few or many. When I start to worry about things like ultrasounds I have to remember that God knows so much more than I know. While an ultrasound tech and I may be taking our first look at this little one inside my womb, God has known all along what this child looks like. In fact, He can see every day of their life! While my husband and I don’t even know the color of our little one’s hair, or if he or she will take more after their father or me, God knows it all, big details and small.
So what, really, is there for me to be afraid of? Nothing. Because I’ve seen how God has provided for me already. He’s blessed my life, kept me safe, and been with me each step of the way. So there’s really nothing to worry about this afternoon. God has already seen the results. And He’ll be there, right along side me in that room. Just as He’s always been, just as He always will be.
And so, I shake off the worry that’s been following me around all morning, and instead focus on the beautiful creation of my baby, who was intricately and curiously wrought, just like you and me. Instead of worrying I will “praise you, O LORD, with all of my heart; I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High” (Psalm 9:1-2 NIV).

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